Things Fall Apart: Chapter 62

Newer York, 10 Tammuz 2541 AS

Singer usually woke up fairly quickly, whether from a set alarm or from natural processes. This waking, however, was a very slow thing, as she became aware of different, disconnected bits and then gradually sorted them into something that made sense.

The first bit, the bit that woke her, was that she needed to pee. It was not yet so urgent a need as to send her out from under the covers before she had pieced together the rest of the puzzle, but it was the first identifiable shape.

Next up was the conviction that she was not in her own bed aboard ship. Granted, that bed was still relatively new to her, but it had felt more or less the same as every other bed she'd slept in on a TCTF ship, and had never felt alien. The bed she was in right now was slightly too soft for her taste, now that she was awake to notice it.

Third was the realization that she could not, at that moment, have given a coherent account of the last one-hundred thirty kiloseconds if her life had depended upon it. She did not think she'd lost any actual memories, but like her impressions of waking up, they were not yet put together in any contextual order. Now that she was focusing on memory, though, she remembered where she was: the hostel in the Ellis Ring where her crew were quartered for shore leave. She remembered Saito offering to arrange to have her bunk back at the Embassy, but she'd chosen instead to experience what her crew had.

Location settled, bladder was becoming slightly more insistent, which led to the next interesting piece of the puzzle: one of her legs was tangled up with someone else's. Immediately, she became more aware of the second presence in the bed with her. It was fortunate that this realization happened after her memories had started surfacing, however jumbled, or she might have panicked. Aside from disturbing the very warm and pleasant-feeling body next to her, Singer's need to pee was now acute enough that panic might have led to embarrassment.

Having put together enough pieces that she was reasonably sure she could navigate her hung-over self to the head, Singer gently extracted her leg from under Rachel O'Halloran's, slid out from the covers, narrowly avoided stumbling when the bed proved taller than she was expecting, and attempted to stagger quietly toiletward.

She was able to put more together as she was taking care of that business. Dinner aboard ship had gone swimmingly well, despite the recent additional traumas of Ross 508 and Serpent's Head. Singer had wound up sitting sandwiched between O'Halloran and President Robina, who in turn had maneuvered things so that Robin Alexander was on her other side. Singer by now had the distinct impression that Robina had essentially adopted her. Having had other friends' parents whom she considered her own alternate parents, she was mostly fine with this, except that none of those other parents had also been a head of state for a major power.

The seating arrangement had allowed her to keep an eye on the person she was currently most worried about—Cadotte. In another clearly contrived bit of seating, Espinoza wound up with Cadotte on one side, and Captain bat Chaya on the other. Singer remembered being genuinely impressed by his ability to both renew his acquaintance with his cousin—that mystery had finally been cleared up as they all sat down to table—and keep Cadotte engaged, not letting them sink into their feelings too deeply.

After that, really after waking up the next Alpha, things devolved still into fragmented snapshots for her. She remembered Saito beaming at her when she showed up on time at the starboard lock for the ferry, which was too large by far for the boat bay. All of the dignitaries from the night before were also there, having accepted the invitation to sleep aboard. She remembered then a brief, awkward moment between parent and child during the meal. Alexander had said something about making sure Robina got back across after dinner instead, and Robina insisted that no, she would be happy to sleep aboard. Singer had immediately realized that was not entirely true, and filed it away to ask about later.

At any rate the ferry was full up with her leave shift and the visitors, despite which, O'Halloran somehow contrived to sit in a facing seat across from Singer. This was very clearly not an accident, and Singer remembered having a certain sense of Saito having helped contrive it, without being able to say how she'd concluded that. For that matter, she thought she remembered Ellison also looking kind of smug.

She didn't really remember disembarking or getting processed—another thing she'd insisted on doing the same as her crew had done—or finding her quarters in the hostel the first time. She did remember that Saito had wasted very little time before dragging her off to his favorite breakfast place, which also happened to serve breakfast cocktails. It was clear that day-drinking was on Saito's agenda.

The next big memory that surfaced, out of order, though, was the dance club they'd all wound up at. She'd also recognized several of her crew, there. Sipho Mxenge was there with her fellow Aquila survivors, and took advantage of them being entirely off duty to grab a proper hug from Singer. Petty Officer bat Avi was also there, looking downright chipper, and Singer remembered a shouted-over-the-music conversation about plants. Bat Avi had, in fact, gone to see Hassan, one of Espinoza's mother's michpacha, who was responsible for designing green spaces around Newer York. Then, the music had changed, and bat Avi's face lit up for a completely different reason. She excused herself and went off to dance, dragging Sipho with her.

Hard on the heels of that memory was O'Halloran "just happening" to catch up with her and Saito at the same club, followed not long after by Singer herself being dragged out to the dance floor much like Sipho had been by bat Avi, with Saito wearing an avuncular smile on his face that was just short of, "run along and play!"

Everything for several kiloseconds after that point was lost in a blur of music, dance, and O'Halloran.

There was nothing blurry at all about what had happened after O'Halloran had helped Saito make sure Singer got back to the hostel, and Singer could feel her cheeks warming.

Realizing she had been essentially dissociating on the toilet, Singer finally finished what she'd come there to do, washed up, and returned to the room, where O'Halloran was sitting up in bed, with a look of mild concern on her face. She said, "You okay?"

Singer responded, "I mean, my head isn't, but otherwise, yeah, just...got lost in putting the last day back together in some kind of order."

O'Halloran smiled at that, but still seemed worried as she asked, "Are we okay?"

Singer responded to that by coming back to the bed and planting a kiss on O'Halloran's lips.

O'Halloran gave out a happy sigh after, but said, "Crew going to be okay? I mean, I am coming back with your ship, right...?"

Singer allowed herself to consider the question seriously, then said, "I think so. I think if we were go cavorting around the decks like teenagers, that'd be a problem. If it were an actual member of the crew, that would definitely be a problem. Otherwise? I don't think it has to be a problem."

The other woman still looked a little concerned, but said, "You know your crew, so I'll let you worry about it, I guess. Tell me if you need to set boundaries to maintain discipline or whatever."

That earned O'Halloran another kiss, which came close to becoming something more when something chimed. Singer looked around, found the clock, and very carefully did not swear. "Time to start putting ourselves together, I suppose. Will it upset you if I say that I think it will actually be faster if we shower separately?" This was said with what Singer hoped was an appropriately wicked grin.

O'Halloran matched it. "I agree entirely. We shower together, you'll wind up AWOL, and that really would be a problem."

"Exactly. I'll go first and check for traps."

Singer was still putting memories together as she and Saito sat companionably at breakfast before heading to the ferry. O'Halloran had volunteered to start practicing discretion immediately, and while she did not exactly sneak off—no need for a walk of shame, here—she didn't escort Singer to breakfast, either, parting ways when they left the room.

Saito managed to let her get through an entire cup of coffee and half a muffin before asking, "Did you have a good leave, Captain?"

The look Singer turned on him included every inch of her suspicion that he, and possibly Ellison, together had been playing matchmaker. Finally, she said with mock decorum, "I believe I do feel at least a little bit unwound, yes, Doctor. Thank you for asking," and then, less mocking, "and also for insisting. That said, I don't suppose you have anything in your kit bag for a hangover headache."

He smiled that avuncular smile again. "Just doing my job, Captain, and of course!" He reached into his bag and found the right tablets in foil to hand her. Singer found herself musing on how seventy or so gigaseconds of civilization had not improved the packaging of medicine.

Before she could quite stop herself, Singer said, "Your job, huh? You often set your commanding officers up on dates on their shore leaves?"

Saito got a musing expression, and counted on his fingers, then said, "Four times, I can think of. One of them got married out of it!"

Singer was profoundly grateful he had not waited for her to be sipping from her cup when he said that.

Espinoza and Cadotte came into the breakfast area of the hostel a moment later, not holding hands, but openly pleased with each other. Singer was torn between whether she really should look up the current regulations or write to Haraldsdottir through the relay to ask for guidance, or whether she should just let it happen. She still could not be certain, from what she was seeing and reading from the two of them, if it was anything more than an extremely good friendship, anyway. She was just glad Cadotte had a person in their moment of grief, whatever else was going on. The two waved at Singer and Saito, who waved back, and they went to get their breakfast off the buffet.

That set the pattern for the rest of breakfast, not unlike starting the day aboard ship. People filtered in, paid some kind of respects to their captain, then went to get food. Alexander was the only one who seemed to feel right actually approaching them, saying, "Looks like you're just about done, but may I join you?"

Singer looked at Saito, who looked back with a clear, "You're the boss" look, and said, "Absolutely." A few minutes later, Alexander was back with a tray, and Singer asked, "How was your leave?"

Alexander's smile was wholehearted and genuine. "Excellent, thank you. I spent most of it with Her Presidentiality, and Seth joined us for some of it. We spent some more time catching up—she never got to hear any of my Academy stories, for example—and then went to the opera!"

The last was said with such obvious joy that Singer felt compelled to make a mental note about it: Alexander likes opera. "Anything a layperson would know?"

Her exec considered. "Probably not. It's actually a fairly rare performance for Up Above. It was a Revi'ini company performing one of our operas!" There was a weight on "our" that Singer now knew enough to give some context. "The Cousins Above aren't always comfortable with our side of the story, but the house was packed for this one. Apparently it's doing quite well! And how was your leave, Captain, Doctor?"

Singer felt her cheeks heat. Saito covered and said, "Not nearly so elevated, culturally, I'm afraid," he nodded on the table to the open blisters of hangover tablets, and Singer realized there were two sets. Saito had apparently decided he needed some, as well. "But certainly enjoyable. I won't say I feel refreshed, but I definitely feel a bit more relaxed."

Alexander turned zir attention to Singer, then, for her side of things, and Singer got to watch her friend's eyes widen at Singer's very obvious blush.

Singer picked up her mostly empty coffee cup and pretended to drink from it.

When she finally put it back down, Alexander said, simply, quietly enough not to carry through the whole room, "O'Halloran?"

Singer made a face. "Did everyone see that coming except me?"

"You don't pay me to be unobservant, Captain."

That earned Alexander a snort as Singer said, "Point to you, exec. Speaking of observance," she pointed her chin toward Espinoza and Cadotte.

Alexander nodded, "Far as I can tell right now, if Espinoza's commission were more than a courtesy, it could be a problem, maybe, sort of, if there's still an Admiralty to care, but otherwise?" Ze shrugged.

"That's where I've been at, too. Doctor?"

Saito nodded. "I'd have already brought it to your attention if I thought it were a big issue. A bigger issue would be Cadotte silently stewing. It would be understandable, of course, but none of us have the time for it just now."

"Well, you've both nicely summarized my own feelings on the matter," Singer replied, "so maybe I know what I'm doing, after all!"

After that, they all walked together toward the ferry pier. It was not by any means a parade, but Singer was conscious that everyone scheduled to return was in fact following along behind, and tried not to feel self-conscious about it.

They were met at the pier by Governor Silverman, Admiral Donato, Ambassador Ellison, President Robina, and Rachel O'Halloran. The latter would be coming back across with them.

As Singer took the governor's hand to shake in farewell, Silverman said, "Doctor Gupta sends his regards, and is already en route back to the institute. Knowing him, you'll probably have several messages waiting once you deploy the next relay, or at least, by the time you deploy one at Tau Ceti." Then, she sighed, and said, "I wish there were more we could do."

Singer promised, "If I think of anything, I won't hesitate to ask."

Silverman smiled at that, and Singer moved on down the little reception line to Donato, who surprised her with an out-of-order salute, which she returned. "Sir?"

"I was not very kind to you when you arrived. You should know that I, too, am going to do everything I can think of. Baldursdottir should be heading out within the week, ten days tops—a megasecond. Bat Chaya seems almost as determined as you are to find some answers. Don't hesitate to keep her in the loop directly as relays allow, and I'll get you a long-distance introduction to Captain Erasmus along with whatever news he has as soon as he arrives."

"Thank you, Admiral."

Next came Ellison. "Elyah, be careful out there."

"As much as I'm able. Are you still determined to resign?" There was no point in being coy about it.

"I am. I will wait to hear the news back from your arrival at Tau Ceti, to make sure Rachel's either on good footing or else the whole thing is moot, but after that, I'm retiring, enrolling like a local teenager in Ellis, and studying daffodils or something."

Singer caught the change in wording—retiring, not resigning—and nodded. "Regardless, be well, and thank you for everything while we were here."

Finally, she came to President Robina, who was barely keeping tears out of her eyes and voice as she said, with an eye on Alexander as well, "You two look out for each other."

Yep, Singer thought, I have definitely been adopted. But Singer also heard what she hadn't said: "I want to see you both alive, and soon."

The formalities concluded, Singer looked at O'Halloran, somehow both of them managing not to blush at all, and said, "Miss O'Halloran, will you join us?" while Alexander hugged zir mother one last time.

"Certainly, Captain. Lead the way!"